Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Not SO New Year???


What is a Fresh Start?
Why is it that Simply adding a new number on the calenders makes the entire world think that they are made new?
It is only a number. It is only a year. It starts with a new day, just like any other day starts new.
Why do people think that Janruary 1st is such a significant day to change?
Lamentations 5 explains a "Fresh Start" in the Old Testament.
1-22 “Remember, God, all we’ve been through.
    Study our plight, the black mark we’ve made in history.
Our precious land has been given to outsiders,
    our homes to strangers.
Orphans we are, not a father in sight,
    and our mothers no better than widows.
We have to pay to drink our own water.
    Even our firewood comes at a price.
We’re nothing but slaves, bullied and bowed,
    worn out and without any rest.
We sold ourselves to Assyria and Egypt
    just to get something to eat.
Our parents sinned and are no more,
    and now we’re paying for the wrongs they did.
Slaves rule over us;
    there’s no escape from their grip.
We risk our lives to gather food
    in the bandit-infested desert.
Our skin has turned black as an oven,
    dried out like old leather from the famine.
Our wives were raped in the streets in Zion,
    and our virgins in the cities of Judah.
They hanged our princes by their hands,
    dishonored our elders.
Strapping young men were put to women’s work,
    mere boys forced to do men’s work.
The city gate is empty of wise elders.
    Music from the young is heard no more.
All the joy is gone from our hearts.
    Our dances have turned into dirges.
The crown of glory has toppled from our head.
    Woe! Woe! Would that we’d never sinned!
Because of all this we’re heartsick;
    we can’t see through the tears.
On Mount Zion, wrecked and ruined,
    jackals pace and prowl.
And yet, God, you’re sovereign still,
    your throne intact and eternal.
So why do you keep forgetting us?
    Why dump us and leave us like this?
Bring us back to you, God—we’re ready to come back.
    Give us a fresh start.
As it is, you’ve cruelly disowned us.
    You’ve been so very angry with us.”

This is the only "Fresh Start" that we should experience. Making a goal to run more often or loose 10 pounds is not a fresh start. Making a start to eat healthy, or spend more time with family is not a fresh start. Making an effort to be more financially stable and smart is not a fresh start. The only fresh start that which you are truly born again starts with Jesus Christ. 

A spiritual writer, Matthew Henery speaks about fresh starts in a similar way,
"If God by his grace renew our hearts, he will by his favour renew our days. Troubles may cause our hearts to be faint, and our eyes to be dim, but the way to the mercy-seat of our reconciled God is open. Let us, in all our trials, put our whole trust and confidence in his mercy; let us confess our sins, and pour out our hearts before him. Let us watch against repinings and despondency; for we surely know, that it shall be well in the end with all that trust in, fear, love, and serve the Lord."

So come January 1st, maybe think about adding to your resolution list a Jesus Centered goal to become closer to him. Live out that goal throughout your entire life. Don't just make it a two week, monthly, yearly goal. Because a life with Jesus is eternal and never ending.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

donut shop blues



Questioning life and waiting for God to give me a sign that he is still with me, I decided to take a drive. I drove down the Balboa Peninsula listening to Agnus Obel’s, Riverside, song as the lyrics spoke to me like a voice in my head,
" Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone
Where you won't see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run

When by the water we drink to the dregs
Look at the stones on the river bed
I can tell from your eyes
You've never been by the riverside
I thought about these lyrics for a little and thought, down by the water is where I feel like I feel him most. So I kept  driving down the peninsula searching for him up and down the streets of Balboa. Then the chorus came along,
Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep
And I don't know why I go the way
Down by the riverside
I thought the same, why do I go to the edge of the world to seek him?
When that old river runs past your eyes
To wash off the dirt on the riverside
Go to the water so very near

The river will be your eyes and ears
I realized that I go to the edge of the world to seek him because I dip my feet in the cool, brisk, deep, unknown sea because He lives in the unknown. He dwells where no one else dwells. And since I can’t fly to cloud 9, I go to the beach.
I walk to the borders on my own
Fall in the water just like a stone
Chilled to the marrow in them bones
Why do I go here all alone
"

Everything was starting to make sense all from one song on a breezy, spring drive up the Peninsula. Although my mind was clearer in where I feel God the most, I still was waiting on the sign that he is still with me...
...On my way back home I saw a bright yellow sign that said NEWPORT DONUTS Open 24 Hours. So I pulled right up thinking, a donut would be delightful right now.
As I walked up to the donut shop there was a middle aged man sitting at a table. He was the only one in the small run down donut shop. He was by himself and he had a helmet with him and a bike outside. He had jagged teeth and a wife beater T on with coffee smudges. He had chest hair, grey, popping out from the tang top. His hair was a dark grey, somewhat longer and curly. It was covered with a mossy green cap set forward over his brow. He smiled at me as I walked inside. I asked the guy behind the counter for a glazed donut and some donut holes, trying to not look him in the eye with my tear stricken eyes.
"One dollar", he said. I got out my credit card because I knew I didn't have a dollar. "no cards after seven" he said before I could even pull it out of its wallet pocket.
"Um ok...hold on", I said scrambling to find four quarters. I found three, and a dime. For the life of me, I dint have another dime and nickel in my whole wallet.
"Can I just go to my car for a second and come back?", i replied not having any money and feeling like how could my night get worse. I couldn't even pay for a fricken donut that was a dollar.
"Yeah sure", he said nicely. I walked to the door...scrambled for my keys before I walked past the man at the table.
Before I could get out the door the man stopped me, "mamm, how many quarters are in your hand?", at this instant I'm thinking oh great this homeless man wants my three quarters doesn't he. He sees it and so he thinks I will give it to him if he asks....
"Um....three quarters", I replied. "Here, stay here I'll give you a quarter", he said as he got up from his chair and limped over to the counter. He not only gave a dollar to the man, but he also rejected the three quarters that I tried to put into his hands....
"You have a nice night 'mamm", and he walked out, got on his bike and road down Newport Boulevard.
As I was driving back with an enormous smile on my face, in a distance I saw the man down far yonder riding away; I thought to myself, who is this man? And then I knew......
He was my sign.

Friday, December 27, 2013

story time



L
aying over her bed, watching her sleep. She slept all day and all night for years and years now. Waking only to seize and toss and turn by the devil’s watch. She suffers and I cannot do anything to get my daughter back. All I want is for her to play. I want her to run down to the river and seize rocks and tadpoles and put them in a jug and keep them as a pet. I want her to jump over the rocks and play in the ocean. I want her to eat potatoes and complain about eating her corn at dinner. All I want is her to sleep like a child of God, and not of the devil. I want her to be good.

 I would have done anything for her.

Anything.

       I would have walked miles to find Him to cure her. I would have waited for Him to knock on the door to cure her. I would have died and gone to heaven just to speak to Him to cure her.
One day left her for just a moment to go and fetch some water from the well in the region of Tyre and Sidon. The walk was not that long, and I walk it almost every day. But today was different. I could tell not just by the crowds, or by the people. But there was something.....something in the air, a sort of peace among us.

It was then....then is when I saw Him.

He was standing clear out of the blue dead center about 40 ft away from me. I dropped my jug and ran straight past the well towards the healer crying out,

“Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly”.
 
He did not answer. I was running towards him even more heavily now, screaming,

“Jesus, Lord, please, help me healer”.

His disciples were crowded around him whispering things in his ears. It didn’t bother me what people thought of my screaming and running because what did I have to lose?

I knelt before Him with my head kissing the dirt, and my hands upon his feet pleading,

“Lord, help me”.

All I could think is Yes! This is it! This is her time to be cured, but all he said to me is,

“I it is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs”. 

But I thought differently, I said,

“Yes it is, Lord. Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table”.

And at that moment. He smiled and replied,

“Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted”.

       I pleaded thank you and kissed his palm. He went on with his men on the path and he never looked back. He never check to see if she was really healed. It was as if he knew I would be here. As if he knew that  when I would walk out the door that I would come back and she would be a child of God again. It is as if all my troubles were gone instantly at that moment that he grinned. 

       I walked home that night without a jug of water. I walked into the house and surly, there she was. Lying on the bed sleeping like I had left her. But there was something different about her since the time when I left. 

She was smiling.

Smiling in her sleep. 

I called her name and she awoke with a child-like grin. The kind of grin that says, today is a new day, tomorrow is a new today.


Derived from Matthew 15:21-28 (Through the eyes of the Canaanite woman)

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

ponder down yander


There is never a time that we do not need Him. 
doesn't that trip you out. 
We need him all the time, we need him in the morning to wake our bodies. We need him in the evening to slow them down for a new day. We need him when we are sick, lonely, and sad. We need him when we are happy, joyful, and excited! Though we may need to be reminded once in a while why we are here in the first place. but that does not change thee fact that we do need him every hour of the day.

paths





T
here’s always two paths that a person could take. There seems to always be a narrow path that might be slightly harder to get through with bumps and rocks and obstacles to hurdle over. And then there’s the easy path that is wide and straight through to the other side, but is there really any satisfaction at the end of that path.....is there really any crown in heaven that you receive for taking the easy road? 

No

The ones with their head full of crowns have jumped through the hoops of life. They have struggled over the bumps and hurdles. They have kept their faith strong that there is a way out, and then they feel the satisfaction of getting out of a narrowed, darkened path that seems like there is no light....but there is always a light at the end of a tunnel, there is always a way out. 

God has a way of making an easy way, and a hard way. The result is the same. Heaven. But you get to choose your life before you go. You get to choose whether you just want to breeze through with a good  family, spouse, job, and life, and still end up in heaven, or you can take the hard path, living in a third world country, unmarried, adopting orphans, and living in poverty helping reach out to a different nation, yet still ending up in heaven.

There is no right or wrong path. 

  It’s simply a choice.

     And that choice happens fast.

         The world says choice number one, the all American dream, is the right choice. But, the world is false.

             It depends on you.

                 On your person. On who you want to be. 

                       It depends on what crowns you want to be wearing in heaven.

                              Which path will you choose?




a sky that nothing wants to fly in



by: _______




Y
ou know those nights when you just feel like running away? You don’t know where you’re going, or why your running, but you know you just can’t stay where you are. I feel the need for change. Or you’re running from change. When that someone in your head gets to you and you can’t get them out of your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. All you can do is run.

      Sometimes I have a habit of being sad when everything is happy. I don’t know why I feel like this and sometimes I even wish I had something to be sad about so that I could at least have a reason for sadness. But I don’t. I would be around so much love and happiness, yet feel so alone and out of place. As if I am never meant to be satisfied. 

       At times I feel abandoned, like everyone is in their own little worlds and I’m left on earth by myself. But in reality, I’m probably the one in her own world and the real world is going on around me, but I just see right through it. I wish I just knew what was at the center of my unhappiness. I need the key to unlock the riches of what would satisfy me. 

Is it a boy? 

Is it love? 

Friendship? 

Family?

      A belonging that has a big sign in front of it that says “I Belong Here”? Whatever it is, I am determined to find out what it is, and I will use it for its power to make me feel like I am not on a cloud that sees everything going on around me, but I just can’t fully grasp the reason why I feel like I’m floating away in a different wind current then all the other clouds in the sky…