signs of Him

by: anonymous

T

oday, I had an encounter with God. Feeling alone and unwanted is something that will never escape me. It was one of those days where my outfit was perfect. At the start it was great, felt like my life was perfect.....then around lunch time the good feeling starts to die down.....I feel a bit like i am different from all the rest. Around dinner time there's that feeling of "I'm eating dinner by myself" type of feeling. It didn't use to be like this....

      By the end of the night it could have only gotten worse. Anyone, nobody, was to be found. It was almost as if they all decided to take a holiday from me for a day. They vanished.

I took a breath, held my tear until at least walking swiftly to my car. I hopped in and drove.

Where was i going? I had no idea....only my subconscious knew. It was only until I hit the end of my street before i started crying. I've had a lot of lost in the past few months....I could feel all my feelings of resentment, neglect, abandonment, and lack of love balling up inside me. As the soft music played throughout the car as if it were the theme song to my life....I wept.

I wept for sorrow....I wept for loss. For them. For him. I finally decided where I was headed. I wanted to go to the beach but that would remind me of the times me and him would sleep on the beach. I wanted to go to the park but that would remind me of when she and I would have picnics on a summers day.

      I went to get donuts. Yeah sure it was 10 at night and I wasn't that in for it but it was calling me somehow. As i was driving in the donut direction I asked god a simple question. I dint ask him to fix my life. I didn't ask him to heal my sorrows....all I simply asked for was a sign.....a sign that it's all going to be okay.

This song came on as I drove and prayed that prayer to him...

" Down by the river by the boats
Where everybody goes to be alone
Where you won't see any rising sun
Down to the river we will run

When by the water we drink to the dregs
Look at the stones on the river bed
I can tell from your eyes
You've never been by the riverside"

      As I walked up to the donut shop there was a middle aged man sitting at a table. He was the only one in the small run down donut shop. He was by himself and he had a helmet with him and a bike outside. He had jagged teeth and a wife beater T on with coffee smudges. He had chest hair, grey, popping out from the tang top. His hair was a dark grey, somewhat longer and curly. It was covered with a mossy green cap set forward over his brow. He smiled at me as I walked inside. I asked the guy behind the counter for a glazed donut and some donut holes, trying to not look him in the eye with my tear stricken eyes. 

"One dollar", he said. I got out my credit card because I knew I didn't have a dollar. "no cards after seven" he said before I could even pull it out of its wallet pocket.

"Um ok...hold on", I said scrambling to find four quarters. I found three, and a dime. For the life of me, I dint have another dime and nickel in my whole wallet.

"Can I just go to my car for a second and come back?", i replied not having any money and feeling like how could my night get worse. I couldn't even pay for a fricken donut that was a dollar.

"Yeah sure", he said nicely. I walked to the door...scrambled for my keys before I walked past the man at the table. 

      Before I could get out the door the man stopped me, "mamm, how many quarters are in your hand?", at this instant I'm thinking oh great this homeless man wants my three quarters doesn't he. He sees it and so he thinks I will give it to him if he asks....

"Um....three quarters", I replied. "Here, stay here I'll give you a quarter", he said as he got up from his chair and limped over to the counter. He not only gave a dollar to the man, but he also rejected the three quarters that I tried to put into his hands....

"You have a nice night 'mamm", and he walked out, got on his bike and road down Newport Boulevard. 

      As I was driving back with an enormous smile on my face, in a distance I saw the man down far yonder riding away; I thought to myself, who is this man? And then I knew......

He was my sign.